My Melancholy State of Mind
It happens every year, usually much earlier than this. I've been grateful for the melancholia abatement experienced on the onset of this cruel season however, tonight brings me great pain and tears for reasons that I cannot share.
And here is our yearly eulogy for summer:
I Won't Stay Long
Leaves are falling and something's calling me here.
The state of depression that I'm walking in, got the impression that I won't stay here long.
I know I am like this, but still I don't know what to do.
The sky is darkening.
I can feel it in the air.
My heart is sinking.
I know winter's on the way. I know I am like this but still I don't know what to do.
I know there's a way to get this another day.
When will I know if there's a way for me?
I want to lie in the sand and have the sun shine on me.
Is that way too much to ask?
posted by Amanda @ 10:51 PM
2 Comments:
At 10:02 PM,
Anonymous said…
You are not alone. I have trouble with this time of year too. My mother took her own life around this season when I was a teenager. Memories flood me and I think about her sad life,the life I had with her,and the life I have now(married now with babies of my own). Sometimes its too much to take in.....but I hope in God's mercy and wisdom. Peace to your troubled heart.
Danielle
At 12:50 PM,
prairie girl said…
I, too, struggle with melancholy and depression this time of year. It seems like all the truly difficult times of my life have been from October to November...death of parents, struggles with memories of difficult life choices, my birthday which brings me to thoughts of a birthmother I have never known, miscarriages, loss of friends to cancer...the list goes on and on. The other night we were in K-Mart and when I passed the Christmas aisle, I had an overwhelming feeling of sorrow, a heaviness in my chest, a near-panic sensation.
For some reason it came unexpectedly this time, though I usually anticipate it. We had just received word that a dear friend was unable to join us for Thanksgivign, a friend who has been ill and is aging, a friend who has spent many Thanksgivings with us and I wonder if there will ever be another one.
It is during those moments that I find myself crying out to the Lord is ways I do not cry at other time..."Oh, Lord, whom have I in heaven but thee?....you promise to strengthen me, help me, to uphold me with the right hand of thyy righteousness.
I will be thinking of you and praying for you...e-mail if you want to chat.
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